In Diapers All Day!

Last night I went to bed with the stinky burps, most likley due to the chemotherapy I did yesterday. Sometimes when I do chemotherapy I get really nauseated and I'm pretty positive it's from the bial build up that i get from the chemo that also cause extream heartburns. Any way the bial build up is unbelievably building up also due to my extream consitpation from all of the monrphine I have to take to keep the pain and withdralls away. The stinky burps were at thier all time worse than ever before in my life and I decided to take the Lactulose im perscribed for my constipation because it work like draino for the body, it flushes everything immediatly but not so immediatly last night. About four am this morning the bial was leaking upward and outward of my mouth with some of it going into my lungs causeing me to jump straight up out of bed gagging and coughing terribly. I then drank some more Lactulose to help flush myself even more and then went back to sleep. Two hours later I was going through the same thing with the bial seeping up and outward. So I repeated the Lactulose one more time. It was about six am by now and I decided to get up and rock my body back and forth to help unblock my stomache hoping the Lactulose would blast everything through mainly the bial in my stomache. Near to half an hour later it started to work so I was sitting on my porta potty in my room and I was getting it out. I tried to rest again due to the sleep I lost last night and all through the morning, but then I had an accident all in my pajamas and bed. I jump out of the bed as if it was on fire and ran to the shower, rinsed of with pajamas on and all. I was in terrible pain due to my cancer stricken laft hip bone all the quick movement I guess so I was wanting to take my time but I could not stand the cold water that was coming out of the shower due to the propane running out on the poloma ( a poloma is a portable water heater that runs off of propane).  Here in hawaii alot of places do not have city water so we have water catchments so thats why we use polama. Any way I was have a terrible morning with me jumping up every three minutes to use the bathroom and my body being so exhausted that I would dose off every now and then with another accident in my freshly changed clothes. Finally I decided to barrow my handicap adult daughters, adult pampers. I really get depressed during moments like these, it lets me know how sick I really am and that it is all a tiresome ordeal. I sometimes just sit and think of how beautiful I used to be before the cancer attacked me and took away my hair and shortened my left leg after my left hip got eatened by the cancer. I'm in a wheelchair sue to that and when I used to be beautiful I loved to where high heels you could say I was high maintenance I like to dress up and make pretty. Some times I wonder if I got it all taken away because of the part-time vanity I was displaying in my life. What ever the reason I feel that I shouldn't be going through all this at the age of 40 let alone at the age of 38 when I was first diagnosed. Early detection is what it all comes down to. Pass that revelation on to everyone and maybe just maybe we can save a few from the pain, constipation, diapers and shame. Until next time stay healthy!

Chemotherapy today!

Chemotherapy today

Today I had to get up warly to catch the taxi to my doctor appointment to sit there from 7:am-4:30pm. I was hooked up to that medicine pump getting cisplastim pump into through my PIC ( two plastic tubes that hangs out of my artery two inches away from my heart.). I brought my lap top with me today thinking that I was going to get bored sitting there for all those hours but I fell asleep most of the time, I guess it was the benadral i guess thats how you spell it. But there I was sittting in the lazy boy like medical lounger chair sleeping with my head hung over and drool soaking my shirt. The nurses are great about  not pestering you and waking you up, they pretty much understand us cancer patients that we are usually extreamly fatigue and dont want to be woken up. The lab work results is one of the first things I like to hear about when I et there to my appointment, mostly I want to hear about the CA-125 ( It's the count of cancer cells that my body has in it. ). The nurse told me today that a normal persons CA=125 count is 0-30 and that my CA-125 count today was 15. Isn't that great news?! Yes, yes it is! Because my CA-125 count when I first started my treatment back up again here on the Big Island was 1285. Isn't that a mind blower? From 1285 to 15! I'll take that number any day over the previous one! Well I'm done for tonight time to sleep, the chemo is kicking my butt.
                                              
                                                             Goodnight and God bless! until nest post!

Another apointment !

Today I have another appointment. It has lately been appointment after appointment. Since I've been seeing Dr. Lim at The Oncology Center of Hawaii at Hilo I've been so sick that I need to be seen just about every week, three days out of the week. Usually ther appointments consist of Pic care, lab work, chemotherapy, xgieva shots (bone hardener) and nupugen shots (white blood cell booster). It's seems like I dont have time to rest between the appointments being so frequent and the taxi rides taking me to and from the appointments taking up so much of my time also with me having to get up early to leave early and sitting around the doctors office waiting to be picked up. I wish the nurses would be a little more cosiderate that I'm not getting enough rest with the way their making my appointments. Their not combining the reasons into one or two days they got me going seperate days for each reason. I know they know that I'm fatigue like hell because they see me sleeping in the lobby waiting to be called and when I'm asked I don't hold back telling them how I feel. And It's not just those reasons I'm on the road due to my health I also have to go to the pharmacy to get my pain meds.
    I guess I'm just tired, it's been three years now that I've been fighting this cancer and it's been without a good enough break. The first tome I got treatment on oahu at the kapiolani women and childrens Hospital I had a three mounth break when it was finished, the second time when it was at the Natchitoches Cancer Center in Natchitoches Louisiana with Dr. Dhawan that lasted 11 months until I moved back home to the Big Island of Hawaii. I tried to get my medical records faxed over to Dr. Lim but the Natchitoches Cancer Center took to long at which during the wait of four months my cancer started to get worse and was making tumors at the bottom of my spine. By the time I started treatment at home I was really sick and needed the strong stuff. My hair fell out again for the third time but it wasn't as bad as the first time but worser than the second time because I guess I'm tired of looking so ugly. Hair really does make a difference in how good a person looks. I'm tired of looking this way I wish I had hair, eye lashes and eyebrows, I can go without the rest of the body hair. I think that's the only upside to chemotherapy.
      I guess I'm just going through what every cancer patient who decides to fight it has to go through. But I tell you what, the great thing about all this is that I get to have an extention on my life. Without treatment I would've died sooner than with. And the way I look at the whole experience is I got an invitation from God to get to know Him and also a chance to get reaquainted with my Kids and family here on the Big Island. No not everyday is a gloomy day! I just wish the nurses would realize I need more down time. At least enough to feel more rested.
   Until next time may God Bless you with good health and a beautiful llife!
    

still sick

I'm doing chemotherapy agian for the third time. It's 2012 I did't think I'de be doing this much chemo
or radiation for that matter. Iv'e been really sick after I got back home to hawaii. 4 months after I got home I finally got my records from my doctors office in louisiana. By the time I got them I had gotton really sick and started to form a tumor at the bottom of my spine which caused me sever pain and caused me to be heavily medicated on liquide morphine. My doctors got it to shrink down now and the pain is at a level 5 everyday now. I guess the biggest part about being sick is that its not only the sickness from the therapy but also the crippled part due to the cancer eating up my hip bone. I tried to start a fundraiser but aint anybody making any donations so Im ready to give up on ever having a chance of walking normal again cause my medical insurance wont cover that kind of surgery that it takes to make me walk again. Oh well I guess people who collect ssdi when they become disabled cant get better! Until the next time may God keep you healthy and safe from harm!
  may God Bless You All!

Thought I was going to die!

I thought I was going to die yesterday. I'm currently on about 1000ml of morphine a day due to the pain that is caused by this bone cancer. It started off as stage 3c ovarian cancer and then spreaded to my hip bone, which ate up my hip and made me cripple. I can no longer lift my left leg up to move certain ways let a lone make love anymore. But my point is that I'm in alot of pain, that's why I take so much morphine. And due to all the morphine I'm taking I am consipated to the point of I don't have regular bowel movements, I mean it comes out in little round very hard balls. Anyway yesterday I was throwing up due to the chemotherapy I tale once a week, so I didn't have much in my stomach. I took some pills to help me with the vomiting, and then I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, which was a very bad idea because when it came time for me to make a bowel movement my intestines became locked up and I started to experience the most severe pain I had ever experienced in my whole life. I was on the toilet trying to make a bowel movement that didn't want to come out, yet there was the pain. I then asked me husband to come into the bathroom and go under the bathroom sink to get me the lactulose (a drink that acts like liquid plumber for the human digestive track) so that I could flush whatever was causing me such severe pain being stuck.  As I sat there I only begun to experience more pain, multiplying every minute longer at sat there. Until I thought I was going to die. I then screamed for my husband to help me to the car, to rush me to the hospital all the while in my head thinking I wasn't going to make it because the pain was to great. I jumped into the back seat to try and lay in the SIM's position (is where you lay down on your left side with your left leg straight and your right leg bent up toward your stomach) and hope that the bowel would pass but the pain amplified up to about 200 on a scale from 1 to 10 and I screamed for my husband to hurry up that I was dying. He couldn't have trying to go any slower than what he was going. He got in the car and we began to drive, I felt myself getting hotter and hotter, you know a very hot fever. My stomach had never ever felt such pain in my whole life, and then all of a sudden it started to happen, my bowels started to pass and all I could think of was my husband how was he going to react to this (me laying in the back seat, making a bowel movement). I told him that I was making a bowel movement and He pulled the car over and came to the back of the car to pass me a blanket and help me put in under to help prevent it from getting all over his car. I couldn't do much because by that time I was so weakened by the whole experience and not to mention all the chemotherapy I've been doing. I felt helpless and embarrassed of the whole situation. We then turned around to go back home to clean my mess up instead of going to the hospital, due to there was no pain anymore and a huge mess in my panties and a little in the car. When we got home my husband pulled around to the water hose in the back of the house and helped me out to spray me and my clothes off and clean out the car. We had to yell at all the kids that were playing in the yard to go over next store, and all they wanted to do was try and see what was going on, it was a very embarrassing day and a very painful one on top of that. Well I got back into the house and cried my heart out for what I have to go through everyday because of this cancer. I thought "wow I'm 39 years old and I have to go through this". I was so weakened by the whole ordeal that I layed down in the bed for about 3hrs. until I had to make another bowel movement again (due to the lactulose I had to repeatedly get up throughout the whole night and deal with having the runs). I was too weak to take my morphine that night, that the next day I was experiencing withdrawls. I tell you the whole ordeal was life threatening, painful, weakening and embarrassing. I never want to experience that again. And you know what else hurt was when my husband yelled at me for the smell of it all and told me why don't I ask my sons to do something. Yah right like I wanted to have my sons see me naked as was what I was through most of the ordeal. This is Marti Lynn I don't want to claim the married last name anymore due to the way this man treats me throughout my cancer problems, signing off until next episode I pray no one has to go through what I am going through in life! You all take care and may Jehovah God Bless You All!

Feeling sick!

It's been two years since I have found out about this cancer. I am still taking chemotherapy and it is making feel like throwing up again. I remember the first time it made me feel like throwing up when I first started taking chemo it did't really make me fell that way but when I had that two or three month break and then started up again for the once a month for three months until I couldn't take it no more because that is when I started to throw up. And I mean I'm surprised I didn't lose weight because I was throwing up all day long it seemed like. Well here we go again, going down this fighting for my life road again, and I'll tell you it's not well. I mean I hate it. I really shouldn't use that word hate but that's exactly how I feel about it. It's really harder than it has ever been before because the way chemotherapy has damaged my digestive track and all the way up to my throat it doesn't flow correctly in either direction in or out and it is just really "Ruff". I also feel so week at times to the point of not wanting to get out of bed. But I know that if I was to stay in bed it would be bad for me. I would end up getting worse, and also it would be an act of giving up I feel. But not me! No not ever, I plan on getting as much time with my kids as I possibly can. Their names are Kekoa who is 20, Kainoa who is 18, Kanani who is 17 and Cynthia Lynn who is 14. Right now Kanani is in hawaii with her aunty debbie (my sister) and the boys are over here in louisiana with me. I came over  to be able to get to know my youngest Cynthia. Whom I've been out of her life for 7 years and out of the others for about the same but been able to see them off and on because we lived in the same state at the time. So my two boys came over a little later after I did, just to be with me, which I feel is a great way to show me they love me. I just love my kids so much and it will take me dying to be seperated from them. Well until next time this is Marti Lynn Beaudion cancer fighter/survivor!